things arnt always SO pretty

a really bad day.....

2011-03-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

wow i have a headache....
do you know the feeling of not being able to have children? well i do... i remember over 10 years ago that i may never have children.... i have dealt through out the years....
i thank god for the passion to want to adopt and such....
want to know what sucks? having this life where every route I take i cant seem to get more than a 1 bedroom which would benifit in me begining the process of fostering/adotping.... i started the process once.... then life took a turn.... of course
do you know what it feels like to own a pet?
do you know what it feels like to own a pet and have him as a part of your family like he belongs, like a child?? he is my child!!
now were being evicted... YUP kicked out!! - the owners pretty much dont like us.... (thats a long story in itself) the only place we can afford and are "being allowed to stay at" - because were getting booted this week.... has a NO DOG policy....
everyone around me keeps saying that typical line "you have to get rid of him"
do you know how mean that sounds? if i told you "you have to get rid of him" and im talking about your human child how would you react??
im seriously tempted to live in my truck with Domino and yeah....
worst day ever!!

this year....

2011-03-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

this year.... hm.... well some of these new years resolutions just are not going that well....
obviously the whole blogging is not happening....
the diet kicked off great in Jan....
then Feb happened and it was good, and then PA happened - and that whole traveling week alone the diet hasn't been the same.... when i go back to PA im eating all salads.... um PS they have salads with fries in it - yes french fries....
well im on here before im making dinner and i just want to voice i want to progress 21 days at a time....
they (someone does) say once you do something for 21 days in a row, then your set....
well here i start.... 21 days no soda and 21 days no candy or sweets....
HEAR THAT MY FRIENDS?? please PLEASE dont offer me any of your unhealthy treats, because i might not be able to say no :/
ok - dinner time :)

months are going and the new year will arrive.....

2010-10-31T15:16:00.000-07:00

so i am a little nervous and a little excited.... my husband - TONY - i cant believe this - has agreed to a diet and excercise plan.... Jan. 3rd - Oct 3rd..... im already pre- planning menues :).... were changing gradually through the year our diet and cutting things out....
i hope we stick to it and things change - because even looking at pic's of when tony and i started dating (which was only 3 years ago), or my 10 highschool reunion (only 4 yrs ago) - pretty much any old photo's - i look BIG big and BIGGER than highschool - rather - than EVER!!
prayers please....

holidays

2010-10-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

YAY - that time of year, holidays :)
Halloween and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas....
I think as I get older my fav. holidays are becoming more Thanksgiving and Christmas rather than Halloween, because Thanksgiving and Christmas are more family orientated - i feel....
I had the best (speaking of family) dream ever - i became a mom and a grandma all in a 24 hour period, lol.... - I adopted a teen who became a mother and so I adopted a teen and became a grandmother - how awesome would that be.... i would actually think that be awesome....
so i kinda slacked on the whole diet thing - because i really truly it is like against all rules to try and diet during the months of Sept - Oct - because my birthday and holidays of FOOD.... plus I need to talk with my sister - but i think she will be a bit busy and will not be doing the marathon she had talked to me about a while back before she found out about baby h..... hmmm
well time to go home - school is great.... 17 units 5 classes last quarter and got all high A's this quarter is 5 classes again but with 20 units..... just had to breath with that - in my 3rd week and am already tired.... i have a job as well - i only work weekends but it is tiring all that customer service and smiling - lol

and GO GIANTS!!

its GOAL time

2010-07-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

i need to be serious!! i am with the attitude - walk or run the marathon i need to get it done....

here is my current plan - MY CHOICE....

start today cut out cheese - cutting out cheese is more for a health issue for me, cheese and dairy is not good for me.... so im going to make a 1 month goal NO CHEESE - go 2 weeks without it - if i can then ill have one meal with cheese, than after a month ill make a new goal of cheese and such :) or maybe add to the whole dairy goal :)
2 weeks from today im going to do a NO bread goal - not a no carb goal (yet) no bread for one month....
then a no chocolate goal 2 weeks after that and then a no meat goal 2 weeks after....
each goal is for a months time....
and i have planned/figured if i "fall" and eat something im not wanting too then i add a day extended to my goal....
through this time - NO MORE SODA - i have been cutting it out but still finding myself drinking it every now and then....

so current - no cheese for 1 month, if i succeed for two weeks i can have a one meal one time cheese ....
no soda!! and one day a week no meat - vegetarian day....

ok that my goal rigt now -

i walked about 3 miles today - my pedometer thingy is wack - it says i walked 5 miles - i know that aint true - so ill say about 3 :) - that i believe.... woooo - was tired :) - and domino & tony walked half with me - ok - got to go....

wow

2010-06-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

i was so close... few days away....
but as you have guessed it - i never reached my 21 days....
today is Fathers day....
im away from my father and i get to go spend it with a father in law who hates me - wish me luck!!

these pills....

2010-05-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

so the pharmacist says about these new pills doc has me taking....

she says - some say keeps you alert and you can gain weight....

mmmm - why am i tired, not hungry but have cravings??

day 15

2010-05-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

im slacking.... not feeling to great about that - not writing in my journal and behind in my blog....

4 orange medium cinnamon rolls (not eatten in one sitting)

20 min walk with domino

strawberry yogurt
1 apple and peanut butter

1 1/2 burrito's (frzn ones) ate with roasted corn salsa

dinner - home made enchilada's
corn tortilla's cooked in vegatable oil, dipped in enchillada sauce, squeezed with lemon juice and meat mixed wraped in them - hamburger meat with enchillada seasoning, corn and tomatoe sauce all baked together with some shredded cheese in and on top... ate with rasted corn salsa and vegetarian refried beans.... had 2 1/2 of them....

short walk with domino

day 16

2010-05-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

ive been feeling REAL tired lately....
freakin took a 3 hour nap this morning - crazy....

my day - 2 handfuls of cheerios - apple cinnamon flavor
1 everything/onion flavored bagel toasted with berry flavored cream cheese

water

12:07 - 12:29 - work out at home - 11 min of it was a Jillian Michaels video
1230 - 1257 - walk with Domino.....
= 49 min. of work out :) AWESOME - proud of myself :)

ate 1/2 an orange

lunch - leftover cornbeef and potatoes (small amount) from breakfast day 19.... added little broccoli to the dish and 2 scrambled eggs with chunky roasted corn salsa - all in 2 corn tortilla's - cooked in vegtable oil....

through - out the day - ate a fat free banana cream pie flavored yogurt

shared a lettuce salad with my husband in fat free honey dijon ranch dressing....
dinner - 2 pieces of chx (marinated a whole day prior in italian herbs, garlic slices, 2 lemons squeezed and sliced (baked with) and teriyaki ginger sauce) and corn cooked in butter and salt

day 17

2010-05-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

i was in a odd mood today - therefore i decided i would walk - while dedicating tues - sat for exercising/working out....

1 pkg instant apple cinnamon oatmeal
few handfuls of fruit loops (dry)
1 hard boiled egg

walk - w/domino - about 15minutes

1 banana, 1 vegan choc. chip cookie

3 italian sausages and 3 pieces - rack of lamb (last nights left overs)

walked to Burlingame Ave, for dinner - dinner at The Burger Joint (first time here, not bad, good - cute place - great customer service)....
grilled chx sandwich on wheat bun - w/ketchup & mustard, tomato, pickles, red onion, and lettuce - NO MAYO
steak fries (which i shared some of them with tony
water....
my sin - an amazingly YUMMY choc./strawberry milkshake

walked home

walked domino (in the rain) - short time

day 19

2010-05-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

i have not had soda for a few weeks now - LOVE IT!!....
calculated between tony and i we drink ABOUT 1 gallon of water a day :)
no wonder im always having to pee - lol...

this morning drank some orange juice
ate a banana

stretches, tv workouts, dancing with tony a (trying at least lol) = 26min,

breakfast - cornbeef, potatoes, egg all in corn tortilla's - had a bout 2 OVERFILLED tacos.....

went to Stonestown Galleria and Serramonte Mall - walking about 3 hours between both places not counting the drive time and lunch time....

lunch was eatten between the malls....
ate 2 slices of 1/2 an orange
ate a slice of bread from a sampling a store
1/2 pb & j sandwich on whole grain bread
2 1/2 sausages and carrots w/mustard

small strawberry wild jamba juice - no dairy

dinner was this frzn oven bake dish of orange chx w/ rice, edamame and carrots wich we thew out because it taisted gross
so i ate 1/2 an apple with some crunchy peanut butter

and ate popcorn..... mmmmmm

im SO tired - will finish catching up on my days 2marrow.....

day 20

2010-05-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

i dont know if i should be counting 1 day - 21 days or backwards which i am doing.... so day 20....

1 banana and 1 onion/everything bagel w/berry flavored cream cheese

tried 10 min.'s of a bollywood workout = quit
tried 10 min,'s of jillian michaels yoga = quit
but then did a 29 min walk = everything 49 min. :)

ate 1/2 an orange

ate a SMALL amount of last nights dinner - adding 3 eggs and flavored with tapatio

ate and did not finish a cherry cobbler yogurt - mmmm (apparently my dog loves yogurt as well - his fav.)

4 1/2 italian sausages (some HOT some mild) boiled with boiled carrots and boiled cabbage.... we picnicked at the park - UM a BIT cold this night....

small walk around the park with domino

popcorn - added nothing extra to the popcorn after popped....

day 21

2010-05-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

its said that if you do something 21 days in a row it will become habit and "stick".... well here it goes - im goin to try and change my life in 21 days with exercise and my ways of eating.... while also journaling in a book and here online....

what happened today -
took a couple bites of a banana nut bread - threw it out because it was gross lol
1 orange

morning workout - jillian michaels video 13min + 21 min. walk w/domino = 34 minutes

lunch was - leftover pasta - ground hamburger meat with vodka sauce on 2 types of ravioli's (asparagus and beef) with whole grain angel hair pasta....

1 carmel rice cake
1 vegan choc. chip cookie

1 slice of turkey deli meat w/1 slice of pepperjack cheese & 1 slice of ham deli meat with 1 slice of pepperjack chz

drink all day - water

dinner - corn, (can) cornbeef w/potatoes on brown rice

(caved in) had a bowl of fruit loops with fat free milk around 11 pm....

HEY im trying.... lol

2010-02-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

some people i just want to shake..... how can a person have so much hate..... i did - i DO nothing wrong - find the full facts before you hate.....

im goin to need to come back to this - all i feel is anger - no bueno - i need to get rid of this anger so i can b happy....
y cant he understand what im going through?!?!?!?!

the Fire

2009-10-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

i take a seat get myself comfortable to start my reading/studying of criminal justice....
tony gets ready to do dishes and as he walks into the kitchen turns and looks out our back door window and says "oh shit, theres a fire!!"
i was like "WHAT??" look up and the dumpster area and top of a carport are flamin sky high....
im wearing a wife beater, (pj) shirts & run out - no shoes no socks just as i am.....
as i punch int he glass to get the extinguisher out i yell back "tony call 911 then call the front office"
of course tony (as usual) telling me to stay back and not do anything - that's not how/who i am....
so i run to the dumpster, throw the fire extinguisher pin off the can and started spraying.....
after a couple cans i open the dumpster door - its HOT - flames are ablazin from a bed mattress and frame....
i stoped the fire on the car port....
i start shouting/yelling out "you get me another extinguisher", "you grab this dumpster' we had to move one out which i had also touch bared hand - and that was flippen hot too - lol - in my "rage" i say tony take your shirt off he give me this look like 'what r u talking about' - he didn't do it- but he did help to pull the dumpster out.....
i realize my hand and arm are bleeding, my white tank has blood on it and now i have inhaled so much smoke and extinguisher smoke.....
i think i got about 6 cans used, a couple guys came and help..... glass all over the ground - dumpster area....
guy comes out with a big bucket of water and says "you guys need water?"
i was like "i believe the fire is out, thank you but if you dont mind my arms bleeding, if i could use it?"
i turn around and ask (cuz i saw blood all over the ground and my clothes) "whos bleeding, we got water here?" everyone was like "not i" i was like ahhh..... "i guess its just me...." the firemen get here - quickly, the fire was out - but they soaked it and the dumpster just to make sure and the chief/head dog says to me "you trying to be in charge here? where our fun, you didnt leave us anything" "hey i couldnt wait" i said.....
ambulance came and left - no one even checked me WTF.....
so im resting @ home tonight - rest my lungs - i inhaled a bit too much smoke and inhaled the fire extinguisher crap.....
im goin to go study a little now :)

so the ER was misleading..... really?

2009-08-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

hello world,

so i went to the doctors for follow up and he basically said the ER mislead me to think i would be well in 2-3 days while the doc said actually it be 10 days - 2 weeks.... great....
well tony is at a job interview - lets cross our fingers....

i cant wait to get a house

damn kidney

2009-08-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

well work didnt last too long....
may i ask, kidney can you please heal so i may continue on in my life, thank you....
so ill be a college student again.... study will be criminal justice :) hopeful find a career with teens/children.....

oh so tony and i figured something out....
no new york next year.... its ok i waited 30 something years a couple more years will be ok.... maybe 3rd yr anniversary :)

wow i got to get all these disposable cameras developed.....
wedding pictures

2marrow a doctors appt. hopeful they could help....

my first post

2009-08-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

got to go back to work tomorrow, not by choice. how is it possible that i go in the ER on sunday and with my discharged papers states "needs to stay home from work, rest and wait for the fever to break and feel better", the ER wont give me a doctors note for my work and my work wont clear me for missing work today without a doctors note.... confusing huh? yet im supposedly to be in bed and resting while on these medications which with 20 pils taken twice a day i would say is 10 days. well "world" please pray im not in too much pain while im at work.... also that customer service management dont get too mad at me wanting to use the restroom always - seeing my med's and doctors orders require up to 12 cups of water/fluids and to 'pee' my "condition" out....you know an inflamed/infected kidney HURTS a lot..... but bed rest and being stuck here at home bites also.....
lets see how tomorrow goes....

day 18

2000-05-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

i have decided SUNDAY's are my rest days - from working out....

y not, right? plus i got to sleep in and go to church - which by the way was sadly boring and the shortest time on a sunday i have ever been at church..... from the moment we got out of the car + worship + "sermon" + then back to the car was all about 1 hour.... and with my hatred of Mothers Day because my own personal reasons (i love my mother has nothing to do with her or all the other wonderful mothers in this world - NOTE i say wonderful because we know there are a bunch of crappy mothers in this world!!) - it was not even a sermon, it happen to be a woman speaker who spoke about the amazing-ness of motherhood even putting down fathers - sad really.... so i have been watching to check out this church for so long that after my experience sunday i am debating on going back to see what a "normal" service is there.... well see....

had orange juice this morning.... and water rest of the day
ate - half a banana
scramble eggs w/carrots and italian sausage, onion/everything bagel with berry cream cheese

lunch - 2 burritos (the frzn ones - warmed up in the oven) and some corn chips w/cheese melted on them

1/2choc. chip granola bar

dinner at the inlaws - for mothers day....

spinach with beans & some other stuff which i only ate a couple bites - had some weird sour-ness taste....
green bean mixed with variety of other beans dish - it was alright good....
palenta - still dont get whats all in this, but ate a small amount....
rack of lamb - SO GOOD - first time eating it - did i mention SO GOOD - i dont even know how many i ate - it was awesomely good :)

they had desert - the boys - well louie and dino because apparently they like to single out their brother/my husband.... they got this AMAZINGLY store bought chocolate cake with cherry's and whip cream on top and ice cream.... I HAD ONE BITE OF THE CAKE - NO ICE CREAM so proud of myself with that....

came home - took domino on a small walk...